TAKING BACK YOUR POWER

I've stated this many times, that 2012 was a blessing and a curse, personally and professionally.  I felt so lost and unsure of who I was anymore.  It was like starting a fire and wanting to extinguish the flames but not sure how to go about doing it.  I was powerless.  I had no control over my actions and emotions.  What was worse, was that Oniyah was here to witness this destructive behavior, and I felt like I wasn't being the mother she deserved.  My decision to gain back the power I had lost was due to the fact that I am a mother, and Oniyah deserves to have the best of me and in every aspect, possible.  I don't live with regrets, because the hardships is what got me to this place that I'm in.  If things were perfect, I would of allowed myself to remain powerless.  One of the most important things I had to try and learn to do is putting my needs first.  When we allow ourselves to hand over so much of ourselves to a person, we're left feeling empty.  This can mean retaliating with hate/revenge, settling for less than what we deserve, or allowing fear to stop us from moving forward.  When we hold the power, we don't let the actions of another affect us emotionally or physically.  We no longer choose to argue with a fool.  When we hold the power, an unhealthy relationship is something we refuse to settle for.  The thought/sight of he/she with another person, wouldn't deter us from moving on.  When we hold the power in our lives, we believe that anything is possible.  I found this new strength within myself that has allowed me to make changes in my life that is beneficial to ME and my daughter.  It's the best feeling in the world to believe that I am capable of reaching my highest potential.  I'm not allowing the doubters, to stand in my way.  I'm envisioning myself crossing the finish line.  I have a greater sense of the woman I am and I'm learning to love myself a little more each day.  I'm getting reacquainted with who I am.  I'm defining myself and not letting anyone to do it for me.  

NOT EVERYONE CAN GO WHERE GOD IS TAKING YOU

"Do not throw your pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6)

I pride myself in knowing that I am capable of seeing my faults and I'm always willing to fix them.  This year, has been a year of change and growth and trying to become a better person.  I've been reading a lot of uplifting books and television shows in order to surround myself with positivity.  The same goes for the people that I choose to keep in my life.  One of the first steps of change is the environment we live in, people, places, and things.  Though some of us may not want to admit it or choose to disagree, but our environment plays a vital role in shaping the person we become.  The way we think and act is a reflection of who and what we surround ourselves with.  If the people around us are toxic, we too become contaminated with that behavior.  We begin to act like them, and share the same beliefs.  Though I'm good at choosing the right kind people in my life, I still attached myself to a couple of those, that I knew wholeheartedly, wasn't good for me.  Either we didn't share the same interest, beliefs, goals, aspirations, or commitment and respect for one another.  I secretly began to delete names and numbers of those that I knew I no longer wanted to carry along, my journey.  Whether that person would of been willing to change, is something I wasn't willing to stand around and wait.  In Joel Osteen's book, "Every Day A Friday" it teaches us that we shouldn't have to pretend, bribe or lower our standards to appease a friend.  A relationship should be genuine.  Despite the good times I had with some of these people, it was time to close that chapter of my life and open the door for others to come in.  This book has really helped me to reevaluate my surroundings and begin to do the necessary cleaning in order to make it one full of positivity and respect.  I ask YOU to begin to take a good look at the people in your lives, and see if these people share the same passion.  You don't have to necessarily agree, but there must be a mutual support and respect amongst everyone in your circle.  Do you feel depressed, angry, confused, and unsure of yourself when you are around them?  Are they building you up, instead of breaking you down?  Are they giving, as much as they are receiving? 

IF YOU HAVE A DREAM...MAKE SURE YOU CHASE IT

Last year, was one that I would truly like to forget, but it taught me many lessons about myself and life, in general.  I loss a sense of who I was and what direction I wanted to take in my life.  One day, as a I was taking a shower, a place I often stay to gather up my thoughts, an idea came into my head.  I felt like a child on Christmas morning.  I was so excited!  I knew that I wanted to get my creativity, flowing again, and the idea of starting my own accessories line, was the perfect way to do it.  Instantly, Brass & Sassy came and from that moment, I was making tiny steps to ensure that I would be able to fulfill this vision of mines.  I started doing research, and writing down information.  I made a goal that by April of 2013, I would launch Brass & Sassy.  Realities of life told me differently.  I realized soon enough that everything happens on its own timing.  I went through setbacks, disappointments, and feelings of giving up, but when I look at Oniyah, I'm continuously reminded that this is all for her.  She is my driving force, and God is my guide.  My focus was primarily, handbags, and jewelry.  I even signed up for an expensive jewelry making course to gain some knowledge on this field.  I'm glad I did.  That course taught me that you will never get things right the first time.  Mistakes are made, countless times, and we must retract and start all over again until its perfect.  While shopping at a craft store, I saw a pair of crochet hooks and yarn and decided, I wanted to learn to do it.  I went on YouTube and began to study the ways and techniques of crocheting and soon, it became my obsession.  April of 2013, like I had hoped, Brass & Sassy was launched, and since then, I received great reviews and orders.  My expectations for Brass & Sassy are small, but that doesn't mean I don't have hopes of it growing into a big business, but I'm realistic and I'm not setting myself up for disappointments.  I'm truly proud of what I've accomplished, not only with Brass & Sassy, but with life in general.  I'm in a totally different place in my life, where I'm happier, active, and optimistic.  I will never be the same person, I once was, but I'm happy with the woman, I'm becoming, and there is always room to grow.  In life, I see so many women like myself who have lost hope and unsure of what their purpose in life is.  It is up to us, to go in search of the answers.  If you aren't happy with the current state that you're in, don't prolong it for another day.  Life isn't about hopelessness.  I think about the many young people who died suddenly, just as they were on the brink of stardom.  I didn't want it to be me, nor you.  If you have a dream, make sure you chase it.  The journey isn't easy, but it tests our endurance and strength.  Become a bit selfish and focus of yourself.  You can't be a help to anyone, if you, yourself aren't healthy.  Love yourself for who you are.  Stop with the comparisons.  Allow yourself to be your only competition.  The greater you are to yourself, the greater contribution you will make to this world.  

FOREVER AND A DAY...

I know it has been forever since my last blog post.  Life has been all kinds of crazy lately, but mostly in a positive way.  Since my last entry, I have turned 33, launched my own little business, and gone back to school.  I'm very proud of the many things I have accomplished in the last couple of months.  I truly feel like a new woman, more self assured, confident, and most importantly, stronger.  So with all that, you can imagine where blogging fits in.  I always want to blog, but my environment wouldn't give me the ability to think.  When I say environment, I mean my living space.  My room seemed so cluttered and disorganized, and I realized how a well organized space can allow you to function more clearly.  I hope to blog now and again, but promising to blog, daily, much less weekly, may be impossible.  For those that are still here, thank you, and for anyone passing thru the blogmosphere, welcome.  Patty loves you!

FEBRUARY FAVORITE

I don't do monthly favorites, but I had to mention the Clarisonic Mia 2 as one my favorite items for the month of February.  I've only had it for a week now, I'm so happy that I gave in and spend the $149.00 because my skin has never felt so good.  Washing your face with your hands, could never amount to the same cleaning capability as the Clarisonic.  I use one pump of my daily cleanser on to the brush and gently damp my skin, prior to its use.  When you power it on, it has a timer that allows you to work different sections of your face for a a total of 1 minute.  I mostly concentrate on my problematic areas, like my cheek and chin and less time on my forehead.  When finished, you can clearly see all the dirt and grime that your hands failed to erase.  It's easy to clean and stores in the carrying case.  If you suffer from acne or just want a better method to taking off makeup, please invest in the Clarisonic.  I promise you, you will not regret it.  

I've been wearing less makeup these days, because I want to focus on improving the condition of my skin.  One of the changes I've been making to my daily routine is applying Josie Maran Argan Oil (14.99), at night.  I purchased the travel size, to test it out, in case I didn't like the results, and I have to say, I'm obsessed with this product.  Even those of us with oily skin, can benefit from this product.  I drop 3 dime size amount onto my fingers and gently massage over my entire face, and neck.  It doesn't leave an oily residue, strong scent, or breakouts.  

On mornings when I'm coming home from work and I'm too tired to do any extensive cleaning, to my face, I use the Oil of Olay Cleansing Towellettes.  This stuff isn't abrasive nor does it dry out your skin.  Pour running water over it, while you take your hands and lather it up, it quickly takes off all makeup without having to use cleanser and toner, to do it.  They have the towelletes for regular and oily skin.  I've used both, without experiencing any negative reaction.  

MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH TRIBE MAS BAND

This year, was the first time, I registered with Tribe mas band.  This band is known for its praises by many and criticism by others.  I was a bit skeptical to play with Tribe, because I'm not too fond of its registration system of knowing committee members in order to get a guaranteed spot in the band.  My cousins decided that we would make the switch from Yuma to Tribe, due mostly to its poor taste in costume design.  I was able to register through a committee member and got into Madagascan Sunset.  I wasn't too excited for carnival this year, due to the fact that I just had a baby and wanted to focus more on my weight loss, than the experience, itself.  I wasn't able to make it to the distribution of my section, since I arrived after the date.  My cousin, who also played in the same section, picked up my costume.  When I first saw the costume, I was impressed with the wings and the fact that I actually had a bra that was true to my size.  In all the years, I played mas in Trinidad, every bra was too small.  I wasn't too impressed with the Monday wear, which was a long tube top with the Tribe logo in front.  I knew instantly, that I would have to purchase a top since I was wearing high waisted panties on the road.  I purchased a top at Michels and wore them with a pair of gold wedge sneakers from ASOS.  Carnival Monday, my cousin and I met the band at about 11 in the morning.  Unfortunately, we reached after the band crossed the savannah stage.  We reached in time for the lunch break, which was set up very nice.  There were blankets and umbrellas set up to cover the masqueraders while we ate.  Each tent had a separate lunch and drinks menu.  I opted for the veggie wrap, which wasn't bad at all.  The band stayed at the rest stop for almost 2 hours, until it was time to get back on the road again.  By that time, I realized that my gold wedge sneakers were beginning to be more painful than attractive.  I was only wishing that I had gone with comfort, instead of style.  In the band were a couple of local soca entertainers like Bunji & Fayann, Kerwin Dubois, Iwer and a few others. There weren't much organization, when it came to masqueraders, which I expected on Carnival Monday.  Trucks 3 & 4 were the most popular trucks in the band.  Security was on point, as they made frequent checks, throughout the band to make sure stormers, weren't blending in with the masqueraders.  By about 7 in the evening, I decided to make it a night and head on back home to rest for Carnival Tuesday.  

I woke up at 5 in the morning to get dressed for carnival Tuesday.  Though I wanted to do more elaborate makeup look, I decided to keep it simple, due to the extremely hot weather.  Everything with my costume fit perfectly.  At first, I didn't want to wear the wings on the road, but decided since I paid the extra money, I might as well make use of it.  I reached the meeting spot with the band just before 8.  Breakfast trucks were parked up, giving us an array of options to choose from.  I ate the hops bread and cheese with Supligen.  We were there for a little over an hour then the band decided to make its movement towards the savannah to cross the stage.  What I didn't like was that for about an hour, we had absolutely no music.  I don't know if that was the rules of the carnival committee or that of Tribe, but that made that time, very boring and I began to feel very sleepy.  My section was 3rd in line, and we crossed I would say between 11-12.  Our section stayed on stage for about 15 minutes, before we made our way to the rest stop again.  I'm so thankful that we reached early to get a nice, shaded spot before they were all taken up.  This time, I had vegetable yellow rice, with fish, black beans, plantain and a roll.  After eating, I decided to use that time to sleep.  I didn't get enough sleep the night before and still felt exhausted.  Just before the band took off, I made sure to use the restroom, which was set up nice for the women with toilet paper, power towels, mirrors, mouthwash, soap, running water, full length mirror, and even feminine products for those who had a visit from Bloody Mary (thank God I wasn't one of them).  The band soon took off again, I decided to stick with truck 1 since Hoppa's truck was over capacitated with masqueraders and even non masqueraders who decided to sneek their way in the band.  What was different about Tribe from the other bands, were the lack of men to wine up on.  I felt like most of the day, I was dancing alone, which is pretty unusual to me.  Most of the men in the band were either gay, married, or stush.  That kind of made my Tribe experience not as exciting as my experiences with Island People and Yuma. 

If you are a first time masquerader and looking for an ultimate carnival experience, Tribe is your band.  The costumes upheld, through the entire day, customer service was A+, music was great and security was on point.  The only problem with Tribe is actually getting in the band, itself.  The whole "knowing someone" system that has plagued this band, makes it difficult for first timers, to be able to get the experience.  The vibes in the band was alright.  I've actually enjoyed myself more with Island People and Yuma.  The men in the band aren't the best looking, I've seen just as many gorgeous men in other bands.  But overall, I have no regrets with switching over.  As for 2014, I'm not sure if I will be playing mas, much less attending carnival, due to my educational obligations.

LOSING WEIGHT WHILE GAINING STRENGTH

For the past two months, I have been determined to lose 20 lbs by

February, to look semi decent in my carnival costume, but it was only

until the middle part of December that I decided to take my weight

loss, to another level by hiring a trainer.  I had no clue on how to

exercise effectively, and it was until I started working with my

trainer, that I realize that what I have been doing, all this time,

had absolutely no effect on my body.  For the past 2 weeks, I've been

working with my trainer, 2 days a week, while maintaining a healthy

diet.  I don't like to say the word diet, so I will say healthy eating

instead.  I've since lost 6 lbs.  I'm very happy on the progress that

I've made thus far, but I have to admit that with progress, comes pain

and sacrifice.  I realize the committment it takes to really stick

with an exercise and healthy eating routine.  There are days that I

would workout and want to cry from the pain, but when it's done, I

feel so energized and that I've actually accomplished a goal.  Years.  

People would always tell me that hiring a trainer is a waste

of money and time, and I can understand why some would feel that way,

but everyone's situation is different, and it is only until I started

working with a trainer that I felt committed to losing weight and

maintaining a healthy lifestyle.  Too long, I've been down this road,

where I did the yo yo dieting with few or no results.  My health is at

risk, the longer that I maintain this unhealthy weight.  Eating

healthy is not only benefical, but it has allowed me to cook my meals,

which is something I've never quite done before.  I find joy in doing

my weekly grocery outings and creating my own meals for the week.  I

have to admit that I've cheating a couple of times, but when I do, I

quickly make it up, by doing an intense workout in the gym, the following day.  

I know that many people make New Year Resolutions, but I decided to jump on the

bandwagon a couple of weeks early, so it doesn't feel like I'm being

forced to commit to something that I truly don't want to do.  I'm no

where near where I want to be, but I'm proud of the progress I've made

thus far, and the determination I have to fullfill this goal.

I hope that next month, I will be able to give a monthly update of my

journey.  I do encourage you all to follow, if you too are unhappy

with your figure or at a health risk.  Change starts with YOU!

**Follow me on Instagram @realchattypatty for pics on my progress**